Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
