No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Never joke about your clitoris.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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