We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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