You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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