Someone shit on the floor
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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