Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize