i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
