Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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