just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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