why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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