I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
