You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
