She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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