he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
