I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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