Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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