I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
