you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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