Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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