i think i have two assholes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
