My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
