I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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