i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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