Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
