The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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