my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
