Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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