Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
