i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
