She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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