i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
