Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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