Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
