worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
