i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
