I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
