batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
