yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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