Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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