Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
