Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
