well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
