What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
