Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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