well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
