did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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