white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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