she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
