Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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