mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When did angry sex become our thing?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize