you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Help. Why am I so naked?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
