If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
