If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
