A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
