I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
