i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
