They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
