Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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