girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
