yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
