just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
