It was confusing and full of hummus
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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