I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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