So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who died my cat blue again?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
