So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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