I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
