This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
