I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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