yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just google imaged poop.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
