remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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