Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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