Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
how drunk are you?
Several
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
