Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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