Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
