I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
